Rejection

I can feel my eyes tingling. My heart is beating kind of fast, and my palms are sticky and gross with sweat.

I just submitted a design on shirtfight.com that I've been working on for, oh.....12 hours? I think that's how much time I spent on it, give or take 2 hours.

I was (sort of) proud of it when I submitted it 20 minutes ago, and now, five minutes after my first comment, I feel like I could cry.

This guy told me it was hard to tell what was going on and that it looked rushed.... :(

....How am I ever going to admit that I actually spent aLOT of time on that freaking design? I don't think I can. I'm so embarassed. I don't even feel like an artist anymore. In my classroom at LSU, we tweak things and play with things and go back and forth and tinker with shit for WEEKS before we have to turn in a final project. And THEN, when the only approval we need is that of our classmates (friends) and teachers (overly nice).....well, I feel like a designer in the classrooms at LSU.

I feel like an artist. Like I have some sort of talent. And I think it's because I get encouragement.

There is none of that on the internet. Everything is so scrutinized and dispensable that hardly anyone gets the recognition they deserve.

Not that I'm saying I think I deserve more praise than I already don't get, because I don't think I've even come close to deserving or earning it.

But I just......feel so stupid for ever bothering with these contests. And I know these are my slightly hurt feelings talking. Sigh.....I should stop wasting time on them. I wasted all of today making that design, and within five minutes, it's over.

The guy who commented on my design is like a big wig on that site. People will agree with him just because of who he is, and therefore my design is damned to the lonely pits of mediocre art hell.

I feel sick. Like I might vomit.